Friday, November 16, 2012

ya'll, my parents are coming.

my parents are coming and i could not be more excited!  my mom has only been out of the country once, to visit me when i lived in Mexico, and my dad has never ever stepped foot out of the us of a. i knew this day would happen and finally after 40 years of marriage they are taking a leap of faith to serve together in Haiti.

as i write this, i am sitting in a class of kindergartners. i am supposed to be paying attention but, Madame Evette has the kids 100% attention so i am writing whats on my mind before i loose it.

i'm thinking about when i was 5 years old and in mrs. bankstons class.  i remember alot about that class:  my friends, lunch time, recess and mrs. bankston being really tall and super sweet.  i wonder in 20 years will these darling kids remember me?  will they remember the white lady that came to share a couple of weeks with them, while their teacher was out on maternity leave?  will they remember how Madame Evette and Madame Jessi laughed alot?  will they remember how i loved them?  they have no idea what i have learned from their child-like minds.  they have no idea what their sweet hearts & rowdy personalities have taught me in the past 3 weeks.  they have brought so much joy to my heart.

back to my parents..  my parents cared for me. loved me. tended to me. hugged me. fed me 3 home cooked meals everyday. water & soap to bathe were always available.  i never went to bed hungry and my clothes were always clean.  i had amazing aunt and uncles, the best cousins ever, a hero for a sister and a protector for a brother.
i wonder about my darling students?  i can't help but to look them in the face daily and wonder ....
are they being loved on?  being taken cared of?  fed daily (besides the daily meal at school) ?
taking a bath daily? have parents that love them?  anyone teaching them morals? anyone teaching them about Jesus? anyone showing them compassion?
some students, i know, are receiving this kind of care. some, i know, are not.
this breaks my heart.

as i write, the tears are starting to flow.  i am trying to cover my tears bc Evette is starting to notice and starting to wonder. what the heck Jessi?
today, especially, as i write this, i am thankful for my parents. for their love, support, and encouragement.  i am thankful that my dad pursued my momma in high school, got a job at the local paper mill and married my mom. at 20 and 18 years old, im thankful mom said yes, even though it was probably hard at 18 in 1972.
im thankful that daddy worked so hard that mom got to stay home and tend to me, kelli and jo.
im thankful that mom was always the "homeroom" mom and that her and dad never ever miss anything that we were involved in.  I could go on forever with the

i can't help but wonder how life would be if we would have been Haitian? what would have been so different for us?
church family?
teaching of morals?

im thinking about how i have no clue what it feels like to go to bed hungry and how so many people here know the feeling.  people of all ages.
i can't compare. i've never gone to bed hungry. its been the total opposite for me.

i wonder what i/we can do?
this thought never ends.
sometimes even wears my mind out. 

how humbled i am when i think about the reality of this. God could have made me and my family Haitian.  because of who we are and who we know we belong to, i know with all my heart that we as a family would have survived the life here. just like we survive the life in the us of a. i know we really can't compare the 2, but with love, we win. we win the battle. with Jesus and totally dependence on Him this is where the difference is. even for Haitians, to see the dependence on the Lord is a beautiful thing. i struggle with this bc most of the time i want to depend on others and not go directly to the Creator.

as i look up from my notebook for a second.
i see a class room full of happy hearts, full bellies (they get fed everyday at school) all in uniform, friendships forming and a great teacher that loves them and wants the best for them.
they say a prayer of thanksgiving. yes, they are praying to Jesus, the ONE who cares for them. tends to them. loves them. and is molding them into the future of Haiti.
they are praying. something that is not even allowed in schools in my own country. woah.
the Lord hears their prayers.
they are His.
this is where i put my hope. this is where i can go home happy, with a full heart.

mom and dad, thank you for teaching me Jesus. for loving me. it makes a difference. thanks
see you in 2 days.  can't wait to serve with you. yippie!!!!

Jesus, thank You that You nourish hope. that You will satisfy life. that You will bring fulfillment.
i am nothing without YOU.

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just jessi

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so. im simple. its not about me, all the time i find that when i get in the way of what the Lord is trying to do...things get messed up. i try to love on others. i have great friends that i am very proud of and my family is the iron that sharpens me.